Real Stories

The story teller lives in an apartment building, and hears from neighbours about fights in an apartment where a couple and young child live.  The storyteller worries that the woman is isolated and being harmed by her partner, and that the child is witnessing this.  They decide to talk with their neighbours about what is happening and what they can do.

A woman talks to a worker at an immigrant rights centre about her employer trying to rape her at a party.  She wants to confront him about what he did.  They talk and role-play what might happen when she confronts him, how to make it safer for her, and whether she has people who can help.  She confronts him at a restaurant, asking staff to keep an eye on them, and with a friend on call to support her.

The story teller wants to stop her husband from hurting their daughter when she disagrees with him.  She knows it is a pattern and she can’t make him stop by herself.  She calls in people that he respects and cares about to talk to him.

The storyteller talks about how her community of friends supported her when her husband, a trainee police officer, became violent and controlling.  That support meant that she had time to work out what she needed for herself, her relationship and their children.

The story teller has to take time off from work because her partner hurt her.  She becomes depressed.  Her co-workers and friends take responsibility for checking she and her baby are safe and looked after.  They offer food, company, help with the baby, even painting the house.

When a highly respected drumming instructor invited from Korea sexually assaulted a woman at a Korean American cultural centre, the members of the organisation came together to respond.  The storyteller was the president of the organisation at the time.  She knows they “did the right thing”, but some friendships were lost.

When a Hmong woman in the US is killed by her husband, no clan will bury her because she was a ‘slut’.  The story teller (also Hmong) threatens to publicly shame them, arguing that this is a reason women feel scared to speak out or leave abusive relationships.

Whenever she got upset or frustrated, the story teller’s partner took her emotions out on her.  It was controlling and abusive.  After years, she agreed to stop the abuse and take responsibility for managing her feelings in order to save the relationship.  But she wouldn’t do the work that would restore trust.

The story teller talks about his long path to accountability, as someone who experienced violence, and as someone who has a pattern of hurting people by crossing their sexual boundaries.  He talks about being trapped in guilt and shame, and how he is coming out the other side.

The story-teller talks about her partner using whānau networks to protect a child from potential violence.

Consider writing your story for yourself, your group or to share.  We would love to hear your story if you are able to share it with us.