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Quick Exit

  • 1. Read the Basics section

    Interpersonal violence is complicated.  Many of us don’t really understand it or what to do about it.  Read the Basics about violence section for a clearer picture of what is going on.  The Basics about violence intervention section shares lessons Creative Interventions have learned from responding to violence.

     

    Share this information with others who may be in a situation of violence and need resources to help them work out what to do.

    2. Risks can increase as People take action to end violence

    Interpersonal violence is often about maintaining control over others.  When people take action to end violence or gain safety, you may feel threatened, angry and defensive.  Your violence may get worse. You may want to lash out.  You may want to harm yourself.

     

    These risks need to be included in your safety planning.  You need to take responsibility for stopping your violence.  This includes getting support and avoiding anyone or anything that means you are more likely to be violent.

    3. Think about safety for everyone

    Safety may involve many people—the person you hurt; their children, friends, whānau, workplace and community; the people carrying out the intervention; and your safety.  Aim for a plan that includes everyone’s safety.  If you can’t think clearly about other people’s safety, listen to people who can.

    4. Involve other trusted people in staying safe

    Because intervention actions often involve some danger, each action should involve at least one other person (hopefully more) to help with planning, support and follow up.

     

    People could help by:

    • Acting as a sounding board

    • Going through a safety plan together

    • Spending time with you at times that might be hard for you, or when it is hard for you to make good decisions—for example, when others are meeting about the violence or when you are drunk.

    5. Make safety checks a regular part of your plan

    Risks and dangers can change constantly.  Make risk assessment and safety plans a regular part of your intervention—and, if necessary, of your daily life.

     

    A situation can change for many reasons:

    • People are hearing about your violence and say things, or treat you differently

    • People have come together to take action

    • The person you harmed becomes happier or more confident

    • The person you harmed may leave you.

     

    You may feel threatened or upset by these changes and find it harder to make good decisions.  What can you do to make safe choices?

    6. Remember the signs of increased risk

    The risk and level of harm is much higher if:

    1. Weapons are involved—guns, knives, machetes, anything that can cause great harm

    2. You have a history of causing violence

    3. You are feeling suicidal, or threatening suicide. 
       

    Risks are higher when you feel like you are losing control of the person or situation.  Violence is more likely at these times.  Take extra steps to make safe choices at these times.

    7. Separate safety from other feelings of discomfort

    Exposing someone to situations they aren’t used to may make them feel uncomfortable, but it is not necessarily a threat to their safety.  You may feel vulnerable and unsafe when you are asked to take responsibility for the harm you have caused.  If you are in danger, if you feel suicidal or out of control, get help now (call or text 1737 anytime to talk to a trained counsellor, or see Resources for organisations that can help).  If you are not in danger, what you are feeling might be fear, vulnerability or insecurity because you aren’t in control. 

     

    Like any big change, ending and being responsible for your violence will require some discomfort.

    8. Prioritise the safety of young people

    Young people are sensitive to violence.  Your behaviour may be hurting your children or other young people, even if you don’t mean to.  You may want to think about how to keep the young people in your life safe from you.

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Other sections that can help

Tools to help you take responsibility for safety are in How do you take accountability.

Tools to think about who can help with safety are in Who can help and How do you work together.

Tools to think about whether and how safety is a goal are in What do you want .

Tools to look at risks and safety when preparing to take action are in How are you doing.

The tools and how to use them

You may need to think about your safety, and the tools in this topic can help.  The tools in How do you take accountability will help you take responsibility for your behaviour and others’ safety.

 

The Risk assessment chart looks at risks and dangers if you take no action and if you take action.

 

The Safety plan and action Worksheet and Safety plan and action chart have guides for safety plans and actions depending upon the particular risks, dangers and resources.

 

The Meeting person who did harm safety worksheet helps people plan their meeting with you, and can help you prepare as well.

  • Risk assessment: What is it?

     

    Risk assessment looks at the risk of harms.  It looks at things that have happened in the past and what is happening now, to think about what might happen in the future.

     

    Risk assessment includes thinking about how things are changing.  Times of highest risk are when the person causing harm feels like they are losing control of the relationship, like:

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    • when the person they are hurting tries to get away, starts seeing someone new or gets back control of their life in some way

    • when people start finding out that violence has been happening

    • when the person causing harm is confronted about their violence.

     

    This doesn’t mean you should avoid leaving an abusive relationship or confronting someone about their violence.  It does mean you need to be aware of dangers and plan for safety.  Think through all possible reactions.  Think of the risks to all people involved: the person who has been harmed; people close by, especially children; and the person doing harm.

     

    Whenever you do risk assessment, first check for Signs of immediate danger.

    Risk assessment chart

    1. What are the harms already being faced (use the Naming the harms chart, which you might have already filled out)

    2. What is still a risk now, what may be a risk later.

    3. Fill in the chart below to assess risk:

    Column 1: Risk, danger or harm

    In the first column, name the risk, danger or harm, the following list may help.  Use your own words to describe the risk in your situation.

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    • Physical or threatened harm [tag as high danger], like punching, kicking, choking [tag as emergency], burning, poisoning [tag as emergency]

    • Physical or threatened harm to others [tag as high danger], like children [tag as emergency], whānau, friends, neighbours, co-workers

    • Physical or threatened harm to self; threats of suicide [tag as emergency]

    • Physical threat with a weapon [tag as emergency]

    • Physical and emotional threat by stalking or harassment using phone, text, email, social media [tag all of this as emergency]

    • Physical and emotional harm by being forced to use drugs [tag as high danger]

    • Emotional or verbal abuse [tag as high danger], like loss of reputation; ‘outing’ or sharing unwanted information or lies to friends, whānau or community; isolation [tag as emergency]

    • Threats to harm relationships with whānau, friends or children [tag all of this as emergency]

    • Emotional or verbal abuse by insults, threats, humiliation

    • Sexual harm including rape, molestation, forced sexual acts, exposure to pornography and posting private sexual photos or information online [tag all as emergency]

    • Financial harm by destroying or taking property

    • Financial harm through job loss

    • Financial harm by taking money from bank account

    • Financial harm by refusing to repay loans or debt, or through reckless use of credit cards or gambling

    • Other harms such as threats to report to immigration, child welfare, WINZ, gangs.

    Column 2: Who is causing the harm

    In the second column, name the person or situation causing the harm.  Harm may be directly threatened by a person.  Or the threat may come from a situation, like insecure housing or employment, visa or residency status, being on a benefit, or being marginalised in some way.

    Column 3: Who is the target

    In the third column, name who or what is the target of risk, danger or harm.  It may be the person directly harmed; others including friends, whānau or community; or the threat may be to a person’s home, pets, job, benefit or residency status.  The threat may be to those who are taking action.

    Column 4: What is the level of danger

    For example:

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    • Emergency

    • High

    • Moderate

    • Low

    • No risk now

    • More information needed

     

    Remember the Signs of immediate danger.  Any of those signs are emergency level dangers.

     

    Use colours, names or symbols that suit you.  The most important signals are when danger is so high that you need to act now (Emergency), when the danger has disappeared (No risk now) and when more information is needed (More information needed). 

    Column 5: Is the harm getting worse or better

    Is the harm becoming more or less common?

     

    Is the harm getting more or less violent or intense?

    Risk assessment chart

    Risk, danger or harm
    Who is the cause
    Who is the target
    What is the level or danger
    Getting worse or better

  • What are safety plans?  Safety actions?

    Once the level of harm and risk are considered, you and your team will want to think about safety plans in case there is immediate danger, and safety actions to try to get safe.

     

    Safety plans

     

    Safety plans are often made for ‘what if’ situations.  They include who to call in an emergency, signals for others that help is needed, safe-keeping things needed for escape, plans to pick up children and keep them safe.

     

    Safety actions

     

    Safety actions might need to happen immediately in order to be safe, reach safety or get people out of harm’s way.  Safety actions are particularly necessary when there is crisis or high danger.  This includes danger of physical harm, as well as emotional, sexual and financial harm.  Safety plans include removing weapons, moving children to a safer place, involving friends and whānau, and distracting someone who is dangerous to lower the level of violence or get them away while plans for safety are being made.

    Getting together as a safety network

    Safety actions are often taken when there is danger, so they should include at least one other person (more is better) to help with planning, support and follow up.

     

    They are best done with a group of community allies whose roles might include:

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    1. Brainstorming risks, safety plans and actions

    2. Brainstorming who is best for roles in creating safety

    3. Getting more information on who can help or what the dangers might be

    4. Planning or taking action for safety

    5. Being a back-up person.

    How to use the safety plan and action worksheet

    1. Get together with another person or as a team

    2. Make a risk assessment chart or check it if you have already made one. Make sure it is based on what’s happening now.

    3. Think about how each risk can match up to a Safety Plan that responds to it. Start with the highest risks before thinking about ones with lower levels of danger. Make notes to help with fulling out the worksheet.  Things to think about:

    • What do you need to do to be safe (or reduce risk)? For example:

      • Prepare for escape (see Escape safety checklist for help)

      • Tell trusted people about what is happening

      • Ask trusted people to help (See Who can help for people harmed, people causing harm and allies  for more ideas about how people can help). They could:

        • Watch for danger in specific situations

        • Be an emergency person to call

        • Brainstorm in times of confusion or crisis

        • Remember plans and details

        • Check in regularly by stopping by, calls, emails, texts

        • Get emergency help if a signal is given

        • Be physical protection

        • Be emotional or spiritual support

        • Be around as a witness to harm

        • Distract or reason with person doing harm

        • Confront person doing harm to prevent further harm

        • Get and take care of children or other dependents

        • Get and take care of pets

        • Provide a safe place (home, office, school, church, etc)

        • Keep emergency items in a safe place

      • Find out about and contact resources. They might include stopping violence programme/organisation, counsellor, knowledgeable family members or friends, internet, legal services, workplace, union, school

      • Prepare or gather things that you need to take action

      • Get locks or change locks

      • Keep important things in protected areas—friend’s home, safety deposit box, workplace.

    • What are safe ways to contact people?

      • Think about confidentiality and making sure that information doesn’t become public through shared computers, emails, voice mail or reading other people’s texts.

    • Can you get where you need to go safely?

      • Safe routes

      • Safe ways to travel

      • Safe place to park car

      • Back-up transport

      • Picking up other allies, family, or friends.

    • Do you have a safe place to meet?

      • Think about confidentiality and making sure that people are safe to talk

      • If you are meeting with someone who might cause harm, think about using a public space where there are people around.

    • Do you have safe places to escape to or hide?

      • People may need places to hide or public places where they might be safer.

    • What needs to be in a communication plan?

      • Signs or signals that things are okay or not okay

      • Follow up communication that things went okay or not okay

      • Follow up communication for next steps

      • Agreement on who can know what and who can’t.

     

    4. What needs action now?

     

    Sometimes you need to take action to make things safe because the danger level is so high.  Other times, you might act now because something has happened that gives you have a chance to act.

     

    Examples of times when you may want act:

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    • Someone needs to escape from immediate risk of harm

    • Children or youth need to be removed from risk of harm

    • Weapons need to be removed to decrease level of danger

    • Health or mental health concerns need immediate action

    • Someone causing harm needs to be immediately removed from a situation, asked to stay away, distracted from entering a situation, locked out, banned (at least temporarily), physically restrained (if this is necessary to keep them from causing harm).

    Other things to think about

    This website encourages honest communication and action, but that’s not always safe. Distraction, hiding information and outright dishonesty are often needed, especially when there is high danger.  Safety Plans and Actions may also need some level of force.

     

    Safety must come first.  At times, you may need to use dishonesty or threats, force or restraint on the person doing harm.

     

    If the person doing harm is taking accountability, it may be safe to be more honest.  That could include talking about why earlier actions were less honest.

    Safety plan and action worksheet

    This safety plan is for the following situation:

     

    This safety plan covers the time period:

    The safety plan includes:

    • What are the risks and dangers? What can go wrong?

    • Who do we need to look out for? Who or what can cause risks and dangers—people, situations or systems?

    • Who can get hurt? How?

    • What can we do to stay safe?

    • Who is responsible for what part of the safety plan?

    • Have we covered everything? Do we need to bring in more people?

    • Is there an emergency back-up plan? What is it?  How will we know to go to the back-up?  A signal or code?

    The follow up plan includes:

    • How did it go?

    • What did we learn?

    • How does this affect our safety plan? Our overall intervention?

    • Are there any changes to be made? What are they?

    • Who do we need to get in touch with? Who will do that?

    • What do we need to tell them?

    • Who can know?

    • Who should not know?

    • What are the next steps?

  • Use this tool if you want the Safety plan and action information in chart form.

    This safety plan is for the following situation:

    This safety plan covers the time period:

    Column 1: Risk, danger or harm

    Name the risk, danger or harm in your own words.  This is about specific situations, so be detailed about the risk (and the person who might be at risk, column 3).

    Column 2: Who is the cause

    Name the person or situation causing the harm. 

    Column 3: Who is the target

    Name who is the target of risk, danger or harm.  Think of anyone who could be harmed.

    Column 4: Who is looking out for safety

    Who can watch over or deal with each risk?  If the risk is to a particular person, it may be the watcher’s job to make sure that person is safe.  Many people may be in danger in a situation of whānau violence.  Children may need someone to make sure they are safe and cared for as other people deal with the violence. 

    Column 5: What safety action and under what circumstances

    This may be small actions such as:

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    • Checking if a specific person is arriving

    • Making sure children are in a safe place

    • Keeping someone distracted

    • Staying in the car, keeping watch nearby

    • Offering someone emotional support during or after a safety action.

    Safety plan

    Risk, danger or harm
    Who is the cause
    Who is the target
    Looking out for safety
    safety action & under what circumstances

    Is there an emergency back-up plan?  What is it?  How do we know to go to the back-up?  A signal or code?

     

    The follow up plan may include:

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    • Who do we need to get in touch with? Who will do that?

    • What do we need to tell them?

    • Who can know?

    • Who should not know?

    • What are the next steps?

  • People in the intervention may decide to contact, communicate with or work together with the person doing harm to respond to, end and prevent future harm.  The person harmed may still have some kind of relationship with the person doing harm. 

     

    Depending on the situation, meetings can carry risks:

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    • Danger of physical or sexual violence

    • Danger of emotional and verbal abuse

    • Threats of violence

    • Intimidation or scaring someone to stop the intervention or to get the person harmed to come back

    • Manipulating people to do with what the person causing harm wants

    • Lies that make the person doing harm seem innocent

    • Lies that make people harmed look like they are to blame.

     

    If someone decides to meet with the person doing harm knowing these risks, then some ways to stay safer include:

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    • Going through the Risk assessment and Safety plan and action sections with other people [link to tool b1, b2, b3]

    • Being clear about why you’re meeting, what you want to get out of it, and how likely it is that you’ll get that. Think about all the ways it could go wrong, and think about how you’ll feel and what you will gain or lose if things go wrong

    • Knowing that risk is highest when people doing harm feel like they are losing control or power. It might get more dangerous than you thought possible

    • Knowing that promises to co-operate, to have one last visit, to give back belongings and so on can be used to get control or hurt someone

    • Meeting in a public place where other people are around

    • Going with another person, or having someone nearby and in contact

    • Making sure you can see doors or other exits

    • Having a signal for someone waiting and a back-up plan if you aren’t out by a certain time

    • Role-playing or thinking about what could happen with at least one other person, playing all possible options, including the worst you could imagine happening

    • Knowing you can change your mind and not meet

    • Thinking about other ways you could communicate with the person causing harm, like email, letters, or through other people.

    ​

    Meeting with person doing harm safety worksheet

    If more than one person is meeting, make sure everyone agrees about the following (and change ‘I’ to ‘we’).

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    1. I am meeting with _________________ under these circumstances:

    2. I am meeting for these reasons or to get these results:

    3. I plan to get these results by saying or doing these things (make sure every result in 2 is matched with words or actions):

    4. I will not say or do these things because it will get in the way of my safety or goals:

    5. The safest place and time for us to meet is (include end time):

    6. The safest way to contact ______________ is (include who will contact, how, words that will be used and not used):

    7. Other safety things to think about (like time of day, if the person is sober or drug-free, if they are likely to have a weapon, if they might be with someone else who is a danger, if they will be with children):

    8. Other people that would be good to have along for safety (include what they will do, like watch and witness only, speak only about specific topics, lead the meeting):

    9. Other people that should know this meeting is happening are:

    10. Other people who shouldn’t know this meeting is happening are:

    11. Things that ________________ may think they could get out of this meeting are (these may have nothing to do with your goals):

    12. When I say or do the things that I plan in Question #3, the possible reactions include: (role-play each statement if possible.  Think of all the things the person doing harm might say or do, including worst case scenarios.  Knowledgeable people may be others who know a lot about violence or people who know the person doing harm well, including their faults.  Be prepared.  Think of how you will respond.  Think of what you will say and not say.  Make sure that everyone going to the meeting is in agreement.)

    13. After this meeting is over, people could be affected in these ways: (think about whether someone’s confidence might be broken, whether there could be retaliation (pay-back) against you or others after the meeting, what kind of responses ____________ could have, what kind of other reactions might follow and whether there are supports in place)

    14. Follow up support for each affected person can happen in these ways:

    15. During the meeting, I will stick with these words and actions: (keep to 1 or 2 main points)

    16. During the meeting, I will not say or do these things no matter what:

    17. Emergency situations include:

    18. I have a plan to respond to each emergency in these ways:

    19. I need more information on the following to make this a safe and effective meeting:

    20. My next steps to prepare for the meeting are: (include plans to contact others or get resources, adequate support for after the meeting and more information needed)

    21. I have gone through this worksheet and have:
       

    ☐ Read through Basics about violence [link to section] and Basics about violence interventions [link to section]

    ☐ Read through all of How do you stay safe (for the person harmed [link to section 1b] or for allies [link to section 3b])

    ☐ Answered every question in this worksheet with the help of at least one person

    ☐ Followed through with all preparations (See Question 20)

    ☐ Thought of all possible responses that ______________ could have

    ☐ Thought of my possible responses

    ☐ Shared this worksheet with everyone else who will go and made that sure we agree—if they are expected to talk and act during the meeting, then they have also answered all questions in this worksheet

    ☐ Considered worst-case scenarios and have an emergency plan for each

    ☐ Feel confident that this meeting is worth having and safety risks are worth taking

    ☐ Have someone to check in with and get support from before and after the meeting.

     

    If you can’t check all of these boxes, then we urge you to reconsider this meeting and take more time to see if you can get more safety before moving on.

How do you stay safe?

What is this topic about?

Concerns, plans and actions to reduce the current and potential levels of harm or to increase the level of safety.  You might not be included in all of this—while you may need to think about your own safety, others may be thinking about how to be safe from you.  Listen to what people ask you to do. 


The focus is slightly different at each phase.

On this website, How do you stay safe has 3 parts:

  1. Risk assessment—what is the level of danger, potential danger or harm?

  2. Safety planning—planning to reduce the danger or harm

  3. Safety actions—taking action to reduce the danger or harm.

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Some of the information and tools in this topic are for the person who has been harmed and for people to deal with you.  Reading this topic might help you to prepare for that and to take responsibility for making the situation less dangerous (for example, you could stay away from the person you are harming and get rid of any weapons).

Why is it important?

Doing something about your violence is risky and can put you in danger from yourself and others.  This website gives many ways to think about how taking action (or not taking action) can lead to harm.  It also asks you to think about how an action you take may bring harm to others.

Staying safe can mean both planning and action

Safety plans include who to call when you’re feeling violent and need to get away.  Sometimes safety requires taking more action and risk, like letting go of your weapons or moving out.  This topic has information and tools to understand the risks as you move to action (or choose not to act) and prepare for safety.

  • Creating safety is a main concern as you get started.  You may already be in a dangerous and harmful situation—you may be dangerous to others and to yourself.  You may need to think about basic safety needs such as telling trusted people about the situation of violence.  Taking care of medical or mental health needs may come first.  Removing yourself may be a priority.

    Key Questions

    • What are risks and dangers right now?

    • Who is at risk?

    • What level of risk? High, medium, low, none, emergency?

    • What are the risks and dangers if you take no action?

    • What are the risks and dangers if you take action?

    • Who needs safety and protection?

  • Safety issues may change as the group plans what to do and you may need to think again about safety.  For example, it may become important to figure out who you can trust to hear your story, keep your information safe, and support you to take responsibility.

     

    Taking action may bring new risks and reactions that could become dangerous.  The group may need to assess risks and plan for safety for the next step to be taken, with each action needing another risk and safety check.

    Key Questions

    • What are the risks now?

    • Are there new risks?

    • What are the risks with the next actions?

    • How is the safety plan working?

    • What are any new safety needs?

  • The group may be able to create systems for longer-term safety.  You may be able to focus on maintaining systems of safety, or taking what you’ve learned to create wider community safety zones.

    Key Questions

    • Is the person harmed safe now? Do they feel safe?

    • What about their children and other whānau? The people supporting them?  You?

    • What are your long-term safety plans?

  • Basics about violence explains how violence can take many forms and hurt many people.  Safety can also take many forms:

    Emotional

    • Feelings of worth and integrity

    • Ability to make decisions

    Physical

    • Safety from physical harm and neglect or threats of physical harm; meeting basic needs of home, food, shelter and clothing

    Sexual

    • Freedom from unwanted sexual looks, gestures or touch

    • Safety from unwanted sexualised environment including language, pictures, audio

    • Safety from pressure for unwanted sexual activity

    • For children, protection from any type of sexual look, gesture, touch or exposure

    Relationships

    • Safety to choose relationships and who to spend time with

    Economic or financial

    • Safety of basic needs—home, food, shelter and clothing

    • Safety of a job or liveable income

    Spiritual

    • Safety to hold and express our spiritual beliefs

    • Safety to be who you are

    Other

    • Other forms of safety, such as safety for immigrants from detention and deportation, safety from homophobia, safety from political persecution.

  • Owning the harm you’ve caused will hurt.  Find friends, whānau or other supporters to help you.  Their role isn’t to excuse what you’ve done, but to support you to stop violence, and challenge you to be honest with yourself and to change. 

     

    This is a chance to face your fears.  It is an opportunity to let yourself feel the shame of doing harm, to see how others are hurt, disgusted or horrified by what you did, and to take responsibility for it. 

     

    Even if you don’t agree with everything, think about your actions and their effect.  Understand how you hurt others, even if you didn’t mean to.  Try to take some of the steps to accountability.  Can you make it through uncomfortable feelings, feeling vulnerable or insecure and what might feel like a lack of safety?  Ask others working with you to support you through this. 

     

    For tools that can help you take responsibility and make important changes in your life, see How do you take accountability.

    About the person harmed

    The person who was hurt is usually the best person to understand what has happened and the effects of the violence.  The harm might be subtle or hidden.  It may have developed over a period of time, beginning with small abuses that became a pattern of abuse that they see, but you don’t.  Even a single violent incident can give the message that it can always happen again.  They may be very good at anticipating violence and staying safe in unsafe situations. 

     

    They may also put up with your violence.  They may down play the violence, or deny that you are harming them.  They may defend you.  You are still responsible for your choice to be violent and how you respond now. 

    About community allies

    Community allies are risking their safety to try to fix the harm you caused.  They may be involved to help the person you harmed, but they are also helping you.

    About the facilitator

    This toolkit works best with a facilitator.  They may be a friend, whanaunga or community member.  They may be a helpful professional or someone working in an organisation who is willing to work with the values and approach behind this model.

     

    This is a unique approach to dealing with violence and may be unfamiliar to people used to working with violence.  It may even be against their policies.  Share this website with people you might want as a facilitator and see if they are comfortable with this approach.

     

    Levels of risk and safety will change as the situation changes.  The facilitator can help to look at overall risks and safety planning, and check if safety plans are in place as things change and people take new actions.

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