1. Read the Basics section
Interpersonal violence is complicated. Many of us don’t really understand it or what to do about it. Read the Basics about violence section for a clearer picture of what is going on. The Basics about violence intervention section shares lessons Creative Interventions have learned from responding to violence.
Share this information with others who may be in a situation of violence and need resources to help them work out what to do.
2. Risks can increase as you take action to end violence
Taking action to create safety can mean more risk, at least in the short-term. Everyone needs to understand what risks you are taking, who might be endangered and what you can do to increase safety or reduce harm.
Interpersonal violence is often about maintaining control over others. When people take action to end violence or gain safety, violence and threats of violence can get worse. People doing harm may threaten to harm themselves.
Risk assessment should include possible reactions from the person doing harm. These include retaliation or hitting out when they feel they aren’t in control of the relationship anymore or when people find out about their violence. Safety planning and actions need to think about these increases in risk.
3. Think about safety for everyone
Safety may involve many people—the person who was hurt; their children, friends, whānau, workplace and community; the people carrying out an intervention; and the person who is doing harm. Aim for a plan that includes everyone’s safety.
4. Involve other trusted people in staying safe
Because intervention actions often involve some danger, each action should involve at least one other person (hopefully more) to help with planning, support and follow up.
People could help by:
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Acting as a sounding board
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Going through a safety plan together
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Going together to take an action, waiting in the car or around the corner until they know you are safe
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Waiting for a phone call that everything is okay
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Watching children to make sure they are safe
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Distracting or confronting someone who may be a danger.
Even if someone has to act alone, try to have a back-up or buddy system—someone who knows what they are going to do, when, and who can go with them, stand close by or at least be in contact by phone or text.
5. Make safety checks a regular part of your plan
Risks and dangers can change constantly. Make risk assessment and safety plans a regular part of your intervention—and, if necessary, of your daily life.
A situation can change for many reasons:
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People are hearing about the violence and say or do things that cause a change—they might treat the person doing harm differently
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People have gathered to take action
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The person who was harmed feels more confident and assertive, shifting the power in the relationship; this can increase the danger
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The person harmed leaves or attempts to leave; this is the most dangerous time in a violent relationship.
6. Remember the signs of high risk
The risk and level of harm is much higher if:
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Weapons are involved—guns, knives, machetes, anything that can cause great harm
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The person causing harm has a history of violence
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They are threatening suicide.
Risks are higher when the person causing harm feels like they are losing control of the person or situation. Violence is more likely and can be worse at these times. Take extra steps to assess risks and increase safety.
7. Separate safety from other feelings of discomfort
Exposing someone to situations they aren’t used to or don’t think they have the skills for may make them feel insecure and uncomfortable, but it is not necessarily a threat to their safety. If there is real danger, that needs to be planned for and dealt with. Often there is not.
For example, the person who caused harm may feel vulnerable and unsafe when they are asked to take responsibility for the harm they caused. Friends and whānau who have ignored signs of violence may feel guilty, ashamed and unsure when they are asked to help. People may feel so uncomfortable talking about violence and abuse that any disagreement or criticism feels scary.
Like any big change, ending violence will require some discomfort and bravery.
8. Prioritise the safety of young people
Young people are sensitive to violence. Actions taken for safety may be scary and threatening to them. Can you include them in a plan before it happens? Or do you need to protect them from the plan? Think about their maturity and whether you need to keep information safe—can they keep information from others? Is it fair to ask them?
Take special care of the emotional, sexual and physical safety of children. Think about how they can be cared for and kept safe from the situation of harm and intervention. Think about how they can express their confusion or fear, and be re-assured by people they trust. Make sure they can keep doing things that are important to their well-being: time to play, school, regular meals and sleep.
If children are kept safe away from parents or guardians, check the laws about removal of children, escape from violence, and what is considered kidnapping. Make sure you know who can take children from school premises. Anti-violence programs like Women’s Refuge and Rape Crisis, and lawyers who are familiar with issues of violence, children and custody can give information about what is legal and how it will affect custody. It may be possible to talk with police or welfare services anonymously to get information without endangering yourself or the children.
If you are a child or young person and you are being hurt, get help. Talk to someone. Think about someone you can trust who isn’t close to the person hurting you—it might be a parent, the parent of a friend, a teacher, a neighbour. You can call or text 1737 anytime to talk to someone.
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Other sections that can help
Tools to think about who can help with safety are in Who can help and How do you work together.
Tools to think about whether and how safety is a goal are in What do you want.
Tools to look at risks and safety when preparing to take action are in How are you doing.
The tools and how to use them
Safety is never guaranteed, but this topic has tools to help increase safety, and reduce risk and harm. If you haven’t already, check for Signs of immediate danger. This might affect what you do next.
The Risk assessment chart looks at risks and dangers if you take action or take no action.
The Safety plan and action Worksheet and Safety plan and action chart have guides for your safety plans and actions depending on the particular risks, dangers and resources. There is a lot to think about with safety planning—take your time and work through it.
If the person harmed needs to escape, Escape safety checklist can help prepare.
The Meeting person who did harm safety worksheet helps plan a meeting with the person doing harm.
Tools and examples
Real story: Confronting the person who raped me
There are a few signs of extreme danger. You should check this list regularly, especially when something has changed, like if the person causing harm has been confronted, or the person being harmed has left the relationship or has a new partner. The most dangerous times are when the person causing harm feels like they are losing control of the relationship.
Signs of extreme danger:
☐ Threats to kill or suicide
☐ Using weapons, threatening to use weapons, or talking about using weapons (like guns, knives, a car, poisons)
☐ Choking (strangulation or putting hands around a person’s neck)
☐ Using intimidation and fear (like threatening violence, punching holes in a wall, shouting in a person’s face, sharpening knives, cleaning a gun)
☐ Intense, violent possessiveness—like owning a person, controlling who they talk to, where they go, jealousy
☐ Other controlling behaviour to cause fear (like controlling what a person wears, who they can see, where they can go, controlling their money, keeping them away from friends or whānau)
☐ Forced sex or sexual violence
☐ Stalking or surveillance (including in person, by phone or social media, checking a person’s phone, emails or social media)
☐ The violence is getting worse or more often
The person harmed feels scared or in danger (if they aren’t scared that doesn’t mean they aren’t in danger—sometimes people cope with extreme, ongoing stress by denying it, even to themselves)
☐ Others are worried that the person harmed is in danger.
Take these signs seriously. If one or more of these are true, get help and act now.
Think about the best way to get safer. If you don’t already have good support, think about what you can do—there are organisations you can call anytime to help you with that and to help with safety (see Resources).
If you have good support, the fastest, safest path might be using that support with tools on this website (there are tools and information in How do you stay safe for the person harmed, person causing harm and allies). You might feel safer with the help of an organisation—there are organisations you can call anytime for help (see Resources).
If you are the person harmed, who can help you work out how to get safer (see Who can help?)? If you don’t know who to turn to, there are numbers you can call anytime for help (see Resources). See How do you stay safe for tools and information about safety.
If you are an ally, can you safely tell the person who is being hurt that you will support them if they need help? Are there other people you can safely talk to about what you see happening (see Who can help?)? Think very carefully before confronting the person causing harm, especially if you haven’t talked with the person they are hurting and don’t have a safety plan. You may make things worse. See How do you stay safe for tools and information about safety.
If you are the person causing harm, stop. Get help (see Who can help?). Call or text 1737 anytime to talk to a trained counsellor, or see Resources for organisations that can help. Take responsibility for lowering the danger—get rid of any weapons, get yourself away from the situation, find people who can support you to be safer. See How do you take accountability for tools and information about taking responsibility for the harm you are causing.
Risk assessment: What is it?
Risk assessment looks at the risk of harms. It looks at things that have happened in the past and what is happening now, to think about what might happen in the future.
Risk assessment includes thinking about how things are changing. Times of highest risk are when the person causing harm feels like they are losing control of the relationship, like:
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when the person they are hurting tries to get away, starts seeing someone new or gets back control of their life in some way
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when people start finding out that violence has been happening
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when the person causing harm is confronted about their violence.
This doesn’t mean you should avoid leaving an abusive relationship or confronting someone about their violence. It does mean you need to be aware of dangers and plan for safety. Think through all possible reactions. Think of the risks to all people involved: the person who has been harmed; people close by, especially children; and the person doing harm.
Whenever you do risk assessment, first check for Signs of immediate danger (link to tool a6 Signs of immediate danger).
Risk assessment chart
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What are the harms already being faced (use the Naming the harms chart [link to tool a3 naming the harms], which you might have already filled out)
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What is still a risk now, what may be a risk later.
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Fill in the chart below to assess risk:
Column 1: Risk, danger or harm
In the first column, name the risk, danger or harm, the following list may help. Use your own words to describe the risk in your situation.
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Physical or threatened harm [tag as high danger], like punching, kicking, choking [tag as emergency], burning, poisoning [tag as emergency]
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Physical or threatened harm to others [tag as high danger], like children [tag as emergency], whānau, friends, neighbours, co-workers
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Physical or threatened harm to self; threats of suicide [tag as emergency]
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Physical threat with a weapon [tag as emergency]
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Physical and emotional threat by stalking or harassment using phone, text, email, social media [tag all of this as emergency]
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Physical and emotional harm by being forced to use drugs [tag as high danger]
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Emotional or verbal abuse [tag as high danger], like loss of reputation; ‘outing’ or sharing unwanted information or lies to friends, whānau or community; isolation [tag as emergency]
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Threats to harm relationships with whānau, friends or children [tag all of this as emergency]
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Emotional or verbal abuse by insults, threats, humiliation
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Sexual harm including rape, molestation, forced sexual acts, exposure to pornography and posting private sexual photos or information online [tag all as emergency]
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Financial harm by destroying or taking property
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Financial harm through job loss
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Financial harm by taking money from bank account
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Financial harm by refusing to repay loans or debt, or through reckless use of credit cards or gambling
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Other harms such as threats to report to immigration, child welfare, WINZ, gangs.
Column 2: Who is causing the harm
In the second column, name the person or situation causing the harm. Harm may be directly threatened by a person. Or the threat may come from a situation, like insecure housing or employment, visa or residency status, being on a benefit, or being marginalised in some way.
Column 3: Who is the target
In the third column, name who or what is the target of risk, danger or harm. It may be the person directly harmed; others including friends, whānau or community; or the threat may be to a person’s home, pets, job, benefit or residency status. The threat may be to those who are taking action.
Column 4: What is the level of danger
For example:
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Emergency
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High
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Moderate
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Low
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No risk now
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More information needed
Remember the Signs of immediate danger [link to A6]. Any of those signs are emergency level dangers.
Use colours, names or symbols that suit you. The most important signals are when danger is so high that you need to act now (Emergency), when the danger has disappeared (No risk now) and when more information is needed (More information needed).
Column 5: Is the harm getting worse or better
Is the harm becoming more or less common?
Is the harm getting more or less violent or intense?
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What are safety plans? Safety actions?
Once the level of harm and risk are considered, you and your team will want to think about safety plans in case there is immediate danger, and safety actions to try to get safe.
Safety plans
Safety plans are often made for ‘what if’ situations. They include who to call in an emergency, signals for others that help is needed, safe-keeping things needed for escape, plans to pick up children and keep them safe.
Safety actions
Safety actions might need to happen immediately in order to be safe, reach safety or get people out of harm’s way. Safety actions are particularly necessary when there is crisis or high danger. This includes danger of physical harm, as well as emotional, sexual and financial harm. Safety plans include removing weapons, moving children to a safer place, involving friends and whānau, and distracting someone who is dangerous to lower the level of violence or get them away while plans for safety are being made.
Getting together as a safety network
Safety actions are often taken when there is danger, so they should include at least one other person (more is better) to help with planning, support and follow up.
They are best done with a group of community allies whose roles might include:
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Brainstorming risks, safety plans and actions
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Brainstorming who is best for roles in creating safety
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Getting more information on who can help or what the dangers might be
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Planning or taking action for safety
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Being a back-up person.
How to use the safety plan and action worksheet
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Get together with another person or as a team
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Make a risk assessment chart [link tool b1 Risk Assessment Chart] or check it if you have already made one. Make sure it is based on what’s happening now.
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Think about how each risk can match up to a Safety Plan that responds to it. Start with the highest risks before thinking about ones with lower levels of danger. Make notes to help with fulling out the worksheet. Things to think about:
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What do you need to do to be safe (or reduce risk)? For example:
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Prepare for escape (see Escape safety checklist [link to tool B4] for help)
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Tell trusted people about what is happening
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Ask trusted people to help (See Who can help for people harmed [link to 1C], people causing harm [link to 2c] and allies [link to 3c] for more ideas about how people can help). They could:
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Watch for danger in specific situations
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Be an emergency person to call
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Brainstorm in times of confusion or crisis
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Remember plans and details
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Check in regularly by stopping by, calls, emails, texts
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Get emergency help if a signal is given
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Be physical protection
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Be emotional or spiritual support
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Be around as a witness to harm
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Distract or reason with person doing harm
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Confront person doing harm to prevent further harm
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Get and take care of children or other dependents
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Get and take care of pets
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Provide a safe place (home, office, school, church, etc)
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Keep emergency items in a safe place
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Find out about and contact resources. They might include stopping violence programme/organisation, counsellor, knowledgeable family members or friends, internet, legal services, workplace, union, school
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Prepare or gather things that you need to take action
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Get locks or change locks
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Keep important things in protected areas—friend’s home, safety deposit box, workplace.
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What are safe ways to contact people?
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Think about confidentiality and making sure that information doesn’t become public through shared computers, emails, voice mail or reading other people’s texts.
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Can you get where you need to go safely?
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Safe routes
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Safe ways to travel
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Safe place to park car
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Back-up transport
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Picking up other allies, family, or friends.
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Do you have a safe place to meet?
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Think about confidentiality and making sure that people are safe to talk
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If you are meeting with someone who might cause harm, think about using a public space where there are people around.
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Do you have safe places to escape to or hide?
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People may need places to hide or public places where they might be safer.
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What needs to be in a communication plan?
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Signs or signals that things are okay or not okay
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Follow up communication that things went okay or not okay
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Follow up communication for next steps
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Agreement on who can know what and who can’t.
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What needs action now?
Sometimes you need to take action to make things safe because the danger level is so high. Other times, you might act now because something has happened that gives you have a chance to act.
Examples of times when you may want act:
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Someone needs to escape from immediate risk of harm
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Children or youth need to be removed from risk of harm
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Weapons need to be removed to decrease level of danger
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Health or mental health concerns need immediate action
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Someone causing harm needs to be immediately removed from a situation, asked to stay away, distracted from entering a situation, locked out, banned (at least temporarily), physically restrained (if this is necessary to keep them from causing harm).
Other things to think about
This website encourages honest communication and action, but that’s not always safe. Distraction, hiding information and outright dishonesty are often needed, especially when there is high danger. Safety Plans and Actions may also need some level of force.
Safety must come first. At times, you may need to use dishonesty or threats, force or restraint on the person doing harm.
If the person doing harm is taking accountability, it may be safe to be more honest. That could include talking about why earlier actions were less honest.
Safety plan and action worksheet
This safety plan is for the following situation:
This safety plan covers the time period:
The safety plan includes:
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What are the risks and dangers? What can go wrong?
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Who do we need to look out for? Who or what can cause risks and dangers—people, situations or systems?
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Who can get hurt? How?
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What can we do to stay safe?
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Who is responsible for what part of the safety plan?
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Have we covered everything? Do we need to bring in more people?
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Is there an emergency back-up plan? What is it? How will we know to go to the back-up? A signal or code?
The follow up plan includes:
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How did it go?
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What did we learn?
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How does this affect our safety plan? Our overall intervention?
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Are there any changes to be made? What are they?
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Who do we need to get in touch with? Who will do that?
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What do we need to tell them?
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Who can know?
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Who should not know?
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What are the next steps?
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Use this tool if you want the Safety plan and action information in chart form.
This safety plan is for the following situation:
This safety plan covers the time period:
Column 1: Risk, danger or harm
Name the risk, danger or harm in your own words. This is about specific situations, so be detailed about the risk (and the person who might be at risk, column 3).
Column 2: Who is the cause
Name the person or situation causing the harm.
Column 3: Who is the target
Name who is the target of risk, danger or harm. Think of anyone who could be harmed.
Column 4: Who is looking out for safety
Who can watch over or deal with each risk? If the risk is to a particular person, it may be the watcher’s job to make sure that person is safe. Many people may be in danger in a situation of whānau violence. Children may need someone to make sure they are safe and cared for as other people deal with the violence.
Column 5: What safety action and under what circumstances
This may be small actions such as:
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Checking if a specific person is arriving
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Making sure children are in a safe place
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Keeping someone distracted
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Staying in the car, keeping watch nearby
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Offering someone emotional support during or after a safety action.
Is there an emergency back-up plan? What is it? How do we know to go to the back-up? A signal or code?
The follow up plan may include:
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Who do we need to get in touch with? Who will do that?
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What do we need to tell them?
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Who can know?
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Who should not know?
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What are the next steps?
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This is an example of an ‘escape to safety’ plan for someone who needs to escape a relationship.
If are thinking of leaving a partner and you have children, think about how to take them with you. If you leave them, it can be difficult to get custody back.
If you are still in the relationship:
☐ Think of a safe place to go in an argument—avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom) and rooms with weapons (kitchen)
☐ Make a list of safe people to contact
☐ Keep cash with you at all times
☐ Memorise all important numbers
☐ Have a signal so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help
☐ Think about what you will say to the person hurting you if they become violent
☐ Teach children what to do when you need help (like, run to a neighbour for help, call 111 and what to say, hide in an arranged place outside the house, and an all clear signal).
Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving:
☐ Talk through your escape plan with someone you trust or a helpline like Women’s Refuge or Shine (see contacts [link to resources: helplines])
☐ Only tell people you completely trust
☐ Tell children only what they need to know, when they need to know it
☐ Know where you will go and how you will get there
☐ Have your doctor note all evidence of injuries on your file or your children’s file
☐ Leave copies of documents, spare clothing, toiletries for you and your children, cash, spare keys, medicine and other essential items with a trusted person or at work
☐ Gather papers and information you will need, including:
☐ Driver’s licence or other identification for you and children or dependents
☐ Birth certificates for you and children or dependents
☐ Marriage certificate
☐ Copies of any protection orders
☐ Custody papers
☐ Passports for you and children or dependents
☐ Insurance policies
☐ WINZ documents
☐ IRD number
☐ Bank account details and statements
☐ Eftpos and credit cards
☐ Residency papers for you and children or dependents
☐ Adoption papers
☐ Any medical and legal agreements
☐ Rental agreements, mortgage and titles in your name (including for house, vehicles, hire purchase agreements)
☐ Proof of income
☐ Evidence of abuse (like photos, police reports, medical records)
☐ What to take with you:
☐ Documents for you and children or dependents
☐ Keys to house, garage, car, office
☐ Clothing and personal needs
☐ Cell phone (turn off GPS, replace sim card)
☐ For children, essential school needs, favourite toy or comforter
☐ Photograph of the person hurting you so people can recognise them
☐ Think about contacting a refuge or safe house [link to resources, safe houses].
If you have left the relationship:
☐ Change your phone number and screen calls, turn off GPS, replace sim cards
☐ Teach your children to be safe, to check before opening the door, and what to do if the person who hurt you breaks access arrangements or contacts them unexpectedly (for example, go inside or to a neighbour if they come to the house, tell a teacher if they come to the school, do not get in their car)
☐ Teach your children how to call 111 and what to say
☐ Tell adults who care for your children who can pick them up, and give them a photo of the person who hurt you
☐ Try to avoid shopping areas you used with the person who hurt you
☐ Keep notes on all contacts, messages, injuries or other problems with the person doing harm
☐ Improve your home security if possible, change locks, add deadlocks, security chains and screens, window stays and security lights, check fire alarms
☐ Plan for safety between your car and house (security lights, removing trees or shrubs)
☐ Let neighbours know about your safety needs; will they look out for dangerous people or be a place you can go for emergency help?
☐ Think about telling your employer about your safety needs at work (not allowing the person who hurt you access, screening calls, someone to walk you to your car)
☐ Be careful with social media, and with your children’s social media
☐ Avoid staying alone
☐ Plan how to get away if confronted by the person hurting you
☐ If you have to meet the person who hurt you, do it in a public place
☐ Mix up your routine, especially to and from work or school and walking or running routes
☐ Tell school, work and other places you go to regularly.
People in the intervention may decide to contact, communicate with or work together with the person doing harm to respond to, end and prevent future harm. The person harmed may still have some kind of relationship with the person doing harm.
Depending on the situation, meetings can carry risks:
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Danger of physical or sexual violence
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Danger of emotional and verbal abuse
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Threats of violence
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Intimidation or scaring someone to stop the intervention or to get the person harmed to come back
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Manipulating people to do with what the person causing harm wants
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Lies that make the person doing harm seem innocent
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Lies that make people harmed look like they are to blame.
If someone decides to meet with the person doing harm knowing these risks, then some ways to stay safer include:
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Going through the Risk assessment and Safety plan and action sections with other people [link to tool b1, b2, b3]
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Being clear about why you’re meeting, what you want to get out of it, and how likely it is that you’ll get that. Think about all the ways it could go wrong, and think about how you’ll feel and what you will gain or lose if things go wrong
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Knowing that risk is highest when people doing harm feel like they are losing control or power. It might get more dangerous than you thought possible
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Knowing that promises to co-operate, to have one last visit, to give back belongings and so on can be used to get control or hurt someone
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Meeting in a public place where other people are around
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Going with another person, or having someone nearby and in contact
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Making sure you can see doors or other exits
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Having a signal for someone waiting and a back-up plan if you aren’t out by a certain time
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Role-playing or thinking about what could happen with at least one other person, playing all possible options, including the worst you could imagine happening
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Knowing you can change your mind and not meet
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Thinking about other ways you could communicate with the person causing harm, like email, letters, or through other people.
Meeting with person doing harm safety worksheet
If more than one person is meeting, make sure everyone agrees about the following (and change ‘I’ to ‘we’).
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I am meeting with _________________ under these circumstances:
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I am meeting for these reasons or to get these results:
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I plan to get these results by saying or doing these things (make sure every result in 2 is matched with words or actions):
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I will not say or do these things because it will get in the way of my safety or goals:
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The safest place and time for us to meet is (include end time):
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The safest way to contact ______________ is (include who will contact, how, words that will be used and not used):
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Other safety things to think about (like time of day, if the person is sober or drug-free, if they are likely to have a weapon, if they might be with someone else who is a danger, if they will be with children):
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Other people that would be good to have along for safety (include what they will do, like watch and witness only, speak only about specific topics, lead the meeting):
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Other people that should know this meeting is happening are:
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Other people who shouldn’t know this meeting is happening are:
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Things that ________________ may think they could get out of this meeting are (these may have nothing to do with your goals):
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When I say or do the things that I plan in Question #3, the possible reactions include: (role-play each statement if possible. Think of all the things the person doing harm might say or do, including worst case scenarios. Knowledgeable people may be others who know a lot about violence or people who know the person doing harm well, including their faults. Be prepared. Think of how you will respond. Think of what you will say and not say. Make sure that everyone going to the meeting is in agreement.)
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After this meeting is over, people could be affected in these ways: (think about whether someone’s confidence might be broken, whether there could be retaliation (pay-back) against you or others after the meeting, what kind of responses ____________ could have, what kind of other reactions might follow and whether there are supports in place)
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Follow up support for each affected person can happen in these ways:
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During the meeting, I will stick with these words and actions: (keep to 1 or 2 main points)
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During the meeting, I will not say or do these things no matter what:
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Emergency situations include:
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I have a plan to respond to each emergency in these ways:
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I need more information on the following to make this a safe and effective meeting:
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My next steps to prepare for the meeting are: (include plans to contact others or get resources, adequate support for after the meeting and more information needed)
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I have gone through this worksheet and have:
☐ Read through Basics about violence [link to section] and Basics about violence interventions [link to section]
☐ Read through all of How do you stay safe (for the person harmed [link to section 1b] or for allies [link to section 3b])
☐ Answered every question in this worksheet with the help of at least one person
☐ Followed through with all preparations (See Question 20)
☐ Thought of all possible responses that ______________ could have
☐ Thought of my possible responses
☐ Shared this worksheet with everyone else who will go and made that sure we agree—if they are expected to talk and act during the meeting, then they have also answered all questions in this worksheet
☐ Considered worst-case scenarios and have an emergency plan for each
☐ Feel confident that this meeting is worth having and safety risks are worth taking
☐ Have someone to check in with and get support from before and after the meeting.
If you can’t check all of these boxes, then we urge you to reconsider this meeting and take more time to see if you can get more safety before moving on.
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How do you stay safe?
What is this topic about?
Concerns, plans and actions to reduce the current and potential levels of harm or to increase the level of safety. The focus is slightly different at each phase.
On this website, How do you stay safe has 3 parts:
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Risk assessment—what is the level of danger, potential danger or harm?
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Safety planning—planning to reduce the danger or harm
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Safety actions—taking action to reduce the danger or harm.
Why is it important?
Safety is at the centre of most violence interventions. Responding to violence is often risky. This website gives many ways to think about how taking action (or not taking action) can lead to harm. It also asks you to think about how an action you take may not bring harm to yourself, but could bring harm to others. You may risk retaliation to yourself, the person harmed or their loved ones, such as children, other family and friends, and even pets. Taking action can also bring the person doing harm into danger (from themselves or others).
Sometimes getting long-term safety (and other goals) means taking short-term risks. Think carefully about all possible risks, and plan for those risks in all actions you decide to take.
Staying safe can mean both planning and action
Safety plans include who to call in an emergency and what to pack if you need to get away. Sometimes safety requires taking more action and risk, for example, removing weapons to reduce the level of danger, meeting with friends to figure out who can take care of children or pets if someone has to get away, getting friends or family to keep watch at the home, or helping someone move to a safer home.
This topic has information and tools to understand the risks as you move to action (or choose not to act) and prepare for safety.
Creating safety is a main concern as you get started. The situation may already be dangerous and harmful. You may need to think about very basic safety needs such as telling trusted people about the situation of violence. Taking care of medical or mental health needs may come first. Escaping from the situation may become a priority.
Key Questions
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What are risks and dangers right now?
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Who is at risk?
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What level of risk? High, medium, low, none, emergency?
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What are the risks and dangers if you take no action?
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What are the risks and dangers if you take action?
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Who needs safety and protection?
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What plans can you make to provide safety and protection?
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Safety issues may change as you plan what to do, and you may need to think about them again. For example, it may become important to figure out how to keep information safe as more people are involved. Finding people who can support the person doing harm to take responsibility might become important.
Taking action may bring new risks and reactions that could become dangerous. You may need to assess risks and plan for safety for the next step to be taken, with each action needing another risk and safety check.
Key Questions
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What are the risks now?
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Are there new risks?
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What are the risks with the next actions?
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How is the safety plan working?
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What are any new safety needs?
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Who can play what role?
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You may be able to create systems for longer-term safety. You may be able to focus on maintaining systems of safety, or taking what you’ve learned to create wider community safety zones.
Key Questions
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Is the person who was harmed safe now? Do they feel safe?
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What about their children and other whānau? The people supporting them? The person doing harm?
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What are long-term safety plans?
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What other steps can be taken for safety?
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Basics about violence explains how violence can take many forms. Safety can also take many forms:
Emotional
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Feelings of worth and integrity
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Ability to make decisions
Physical
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Safety from physical harm and neglect or threats of physical harm; meeting basic needs of home, food, shelter and clothing
Sexual
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Freedom from unwanted sexual looks, gestures or touch
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Safety from unwanted sexualised environment including language, pictures, audio
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Safety from pressure for unwanted sexual activity
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For children, protection from any type of sexual look, gesture, touch or exposure
Relationships
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Safety to choose relationships and who to spend time with
Economic or financial
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Safety of basic needs—home, food, shelter and clothing
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Safety of a job or liveable income
Spiritual
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Safety to hold and express our spiritual beliefs
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Safety to be who you are
Other
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Other forms of safety, such as safety for immigrants from detention and deportation, safety from homophobia, safety from political persecution.
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As a community ally, you may already be worried about a number of things. How can you make sure you don’t make things worse for the person harmed? Will you be targeted for violence? Could you be threatened for information?
Safety concerns might not be an issue in your situation. But if they are, if it is a dangerous situation, or you are dependent in some way on the person doing harm, you need to take safety seriously.
What are your own risks and safety needs? Be honest with yourself and others about how willing you are to take these risks. What is your bottom-line? Let others know your limits, and think about the best roles for you given your boundaries.
Remember also that there is safety in numbers. Work with others to create safety plans that use several people in support roles to create a wide safety net. Use the tools here to protect yourself and others as you take action.
About the person harmed
The person harmed is usually the best person to understand what has happened and the effects of the violence. The harm might be subtle or hidden. It may have developed over a period of time, beginning with small abuses that became a pattern of abuse that they see, but you don’t. Even a single violent incident can give the message that it can always happen again.
The person harmed might be very good at knowing when to expect violence and staying safe in unsafe situations. They may do things you don’t understand. It may look to you like they are provoking violence. They may even deny or minimise the violence.
The person harmed has already had their safety violated. They risk judgment, blame and retaliation as others hear about the violence and get involved. Most people don’t understand the basics about violence and blame people who are harmed, which creates more danger and vulnerability.
In any intervention, the safety of the person hurt should always be important.
About the person causing harm
You may not be thinking of the safety of the person who caused harm. Naming violence, asking them to stop their violence and demanding that they take responsibility for their harm may feel threatening to them. Taking accountability may feel scary for someone who has never dealt with the consequences of their actions before. It may feel shameful. Others may threaten or harm them when they find out. We encourage you to think about everyone’s safety.
We support a process that includes the wellbeing of the person doing harm and enough safety for them to take accountability with dignity.
Feeling bad can be part of accountability. The person causing harm may feel shame because they did something wrong, they may feel judged, they may feel humiliated if they have to give up positions of power. These are consequences of using violence. It is different from deliberately using humiliation or violence to hurt them or ‘get even’, which we don’t recommend.
Think about how calling the police could threaten safety and work against the aims of your intervention. Think about ways to support accountability without the violence of arrest or imprisonment.
If you have a relationship with the person harmed, with other allies or with the person doing harm, use that connection to support them. Use your compassion and understanding to bring them out of isolation. Your support may help build a path from shame and anger towards responsibility.
About the facilitator
This toolkit works best with a facilitator. They may be a friend, whanaunga or community member. They may be a helpful professional or someone working in an organisation who is willing to work with the values and approach behind this model.
This is a unique approach to dealing with violence and may be unfamiliar to people used to working with violence. It may even be against their policies. Share this website with people you might want as a facilitator and see if they are comfortable with this approach.
Levels of risk and safety will change as the situation changes. The facilitator can help to look at overall risks and safety planning, and check to see if safety plans are in place as things change and people take new actions.